Ok so let's talk churches, specifically Baptist Churches. I don't like grouping them all in one category. But unfortunately, it must be done for this topic. There is just no way around it. Sorry baptist churches but after going to you in different states and different time zones and different denominations within your denomination you have one thing in common. I feel I have given you a fair shot to prove it wrong but I just gotta get it out here in ramble land because it is not a great attribute.
I am going to try really hard not to make this a venting post and just stick to the observed facts but geeze it is hard when you see it happening right in front of you!
Baptists churches, y'all got cliques! I mean like big time I-won't-even-look-at-you-if-you-aren't-in-my-clan-kinda-cliques! Do you even know you do this? Or is this something everyone knows and I am just late to the round table of observance? Like people already know you don't pick a baptist church unless you belong to or hope to be in a clique...it's something they want....geeze I hope not!!
ANYWAYS!
Baptist is not my background, like at all. And I can't say I am sorry after seeing what we have the last 3 or 4 years.
Now, I get being raised up in ONE church. I was. For the first 25 years of my life. So I get knowing people. I understand having church family that feels like blood family. I know what growing up in the children's ministry and youth and high school ministry feels like. I remember watching everyone date everyone and marry each other. I remember all those things. Shoot, my junior high pastor still checks on me like a zillion years later. He is AMAZING! Those were incredible, formative years for me.
However, in my 20s I met Zach and after we married I started the military life with him in the lead. I also left California in my 20s and from there I have now lived in 8 homes with him all over the USA and experienced churches in every place. I feel incredibly blessed to have had this opportunity. God's kingdom is so much bigger than just the church you attend!
We( Zach and I) never put a restraint on where God wanted us to serve and attend by the denomination. Every time we moved to a new city finding a church was exciting! We had nonnegotiable beliefs that we would research before attending any church of course but then we would go with open hearts listening to the Holy Spirit for guidance. Sometimes His answer was obvious! We were either home immediately, we would not go back, or other times we needed to attend several services before we were sure we heard God correctly.
Regardless, we always listened to the Holy Spirit. Because of this, we have been part of quite a few different denominations. And I will be honest, this last move, was probably the first time I tried to control the denomination.
And God being the God that I have come to know probably laughed and decided right then and there He had a baptist church picked out for us. Ha! I am not saying this because He is a big mean God or because He likes to control me. That is NOT the relationship I have with Him. I say this because I am stubborn and I am a brat. And I can really dig my heels in when I think I am right. And God being the Dad that I need doesn't put up with it.
So, using the words of my husband, God had us visit one church and one church only. Of course it was a baptist church and I loved it immediately. It had ALL THE THINGS. Everything we were looking for, from the belief system to the expository preaching to children's ministry to the serving possibilities. I really did love it immediately.
And who knows, right? Maybe this is the one baptist church that doesn't have cliques.......
It's been 5 months.
I wish I could say there was no cliques. Or only one or two cliques. But I can't.
Anyone remember cliques in school? Were they super uplifting or welcoming or a positive experience? Maybe, you were in a clique yourself....were you uplifting or welcoming to "outsiders?" Most likely not.
Who knew that cliques went beyond high school? That we'd still be dealing with them in church...
Look, I am so grounded in my faith and so confident in who I am as a child of Christ that I can see these people in these cliques at church and now
I feel sad for them. But I can't say I was always like this. My journey, my testimony, has brought me through some very dark times. Only by the grace of God do these kind of cliques not mess with any insecurities.
Can all "outsiders" say that though? I don't know. I can't speak for them. I can speak for the me that was really insecure at one point in time. I would have never wanted to come back to this church if I was ignored the way some new people are ignored here. I would have questioned my place in this church and I am positive satan could use all those insecurities to chase me away from Christianity in general.
A couple weeks ago was VBS. We had soooooooo many new people coming through our church. Yes, I say OUR church because I do feel confident it is my church too. But more than ever did I witness these cliques doing their damage. My heart was breaking.
I am at an advantage because I don't yet know who is who and what is what so it is easy for me to talk to everyone and say hello and interact. But boy oh boy talk to the wrong person and the looks you get are something else. Also, I do not think I have ever been ignored so blatantly as I have been in a baptist church. You can literally be having a conversation next to someone and they will do everything in their power not to make eye contact or engage in that conversation. It's pretty hysterical actually, ha! But not everyone could get past it.
Ok, now I have started my rambling that happens at least once per post 😅
So here's what was extra hard on me during VBS. I was not in one specific group of children. I was in crafts. So I was able to witness all age groups coming through. I saw the same kids everyday, the same groups every day, the same cliques every day. The same adult cliques are mirrored down to the children. I can't tell you how this broke my heart. I am emotional writing about it.
I have a heart for kids. I know this is the time in their lives where so many insecurities are embedded and when adults should be combating those lies with God's truth. Witnessing those young cliques treat the other kids the way they did was down right shocking. They are already primed and ready to start ignoring outsiders and new people. And unfortunately, because they are children it does not end at ignore. They were hurtful and spiteful to other children outside their group.
On top of that, because once again I do not know who these last names belong to, when I corrected several of these children, it was looked down upon. By Adults! Blah! So, how does the cycle stop? Or is that just something to expect in this denomination? I really hope not.
Without a doubt, there are exceptions to every rule. Not every long time baptist member is in a clique. Not every child of a long time member is in a clique. Not every clique is unkind or unwelcoming. I am speaking to the mass majority of what we have seen in multiple baptist churches, in several parts of the country. I don't know what forms and doesn't form the cliques. But I do know that they are not Biblical and that Jesus would have never been in a harmful one.
I have a tender heart and my heart was hurt this week watching people be treated the way they were. Cliques divide the church. Life long friendships don't divide the church. Best friends don't divide the church. Growing up together doesn't divide the church. Being baptist doesn't divide a church.But cliques definitely will divide a church.
I am not saying that you shouldn't talk to your people or hang out with your people. But every once in a while look up from your circle and find a new face. Smile at that face, say hello to that face. Maybe even start a conversation with that face. That face was made in the image of God and it is a beautiful face. A face that we are called to love and proclaim the goodnews to!
A face that Jesus would smile at. A face just like yours that wants to be seen just like you do!
Be well my friends. I am praying for you daily. Xx
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