Ever have a song that wrecks you every time you hear it? It has been 6 years since the song Oceans came out. In this image I chose a few of the words that Hillsong United wrote that speak straight to me.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders(Hillsong United). WOW! Why do we put borders around trust? Why do we decide that we will only let someone in so far? Because they fail us right. They let us down. They do not meet our expectations. This is a guarantee.
Somehow, somewhere along the way, we will learn that trust has borders.
But can you imagine a trust that doesn't have borders? Not a single care or thought that you will be let down or hurt or taken advantage of or forgotten or mistreated. I have been through a lot in my years. Maybe more junk than you and maybe less junk than you. But I have seen pain and abuse and addiction and death. I have seen a lot. And the idea of trusting without doubt seems like a fairytale.
Don't get me wrong I trust my husband. I trust my best friend. I trust my mom. I have people in my life that I trust. But I can't tell you that they will NEVER hurt my feelings, or break my heart or leave me behind on this earth. They will do their best but they are human and they will fail, they are allowed to fail.
God is not human, I am human. He will not fail me, I usually fail Him. He will not leave me, I am the one that turns my back. God does not cause my pain or hurt, other humans do that. He didn't bring sin into this world, we did that.
I do not have the answer for living in a trust without borders. But I know I long for it. My soul desires it and I feel the Holy Spirit when I sing it. I will continue to seek that trust and build my relationship with Christ and I know that as I do those borders will extend and eventually drop and I will trust God with all my heart.
Take me deeper than I've ever wandered(Hillsong United). I like to think as a former military family that we have been forced out of our comfort zones more times than the average family. Every 2 to 3 years the Army told where we would be going next and with a "Yes, Uncle Sam" we were on our way. We always made the best of it and to this day we look forward to adventure and the "seasons" that God calls us into. When I hear this lyric and I earnestly PRAY this lyric, my soul stirs, maybe with excitement and maybe with some fear.
I know starting next year, for about 3 or 4 years, my hubby will be completing his doctoral program. God will use us wherever He wants us during that time and we will listen! But what will that be, who knows!? Will it be in Africa as missionaries? Or a full time RV family traveling and doing outreach? Could it be settling in Kentucky for a while? Will it be running a marriage restoration center? Or housing a dozen foster kids? I have no clue what it will be but I want to be PUSHED! I want God to use me, to use us, to use our family. I am so blessed to have a husband that leads this family spiritually. I know that whatever it is that God has for us He will take me deeper and deeper!
When oceans rise I will rest in your embrace(Hillsong United). Oh, so here is the part about resting! It took me a while to get here this time, ha! I am extra rambly today.
The definition of embrace is "to hold (someone) closely in one's arms, especially as a sign of affection, to squeeze, to welcome, accept, receive enthusiastically/wholeheartedly, adopt."
I like the word embrace!
I do not have a good relationship with my earthly father. It is a work in progress but it will never be what a "daughter/dad" relationship was created to be. That being said God has always been my heavenly Father. Someone I have looked to that I can crawl up in His lap, celebrate my victories, share my joys, cry my eyes out, complain about life, get advice from, respect, listen to, and unfortunately even rebel against in my younger years.
Resting in His embrace washes peace over me that no one else in my life can give. I need my time with Him. I need to literally picture myself crawl up on His lap and just have my Dad time. You are never too old for Dad time. I wish I had that in my earthly father but I never will and that is ok. It still hurts but it is something I have come to accept. I am grateful to have a Father that will Never let me down.
There is no rest like the embrace of my Heavenly Father.
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