What happens when obedience causes us hardships? When it hurts us? What if it could cost us our life? I mean that's what happened with Jesus right. He obeyed His Father to the point of death. And He did it willingly!
There have been martyrs for Christ for centuries and they have been fueled by obedience. So what happens to me when my obedience takes me out of my comfort zone and brings me into a place I don't want to be? Do I go kicking and screaming? Or do I go with a humble heart trusting that God has my best interest in mind? What if it's not even about me? What if this obedience is about those around me?
The obvious answer is to obey with a humble joyful heart right. But the flesh, oh the human flesh, usually gives in and I throw a temper tantrum first. I could give lots of examples where I have heard the Holy Spirit whispering to me what I need to do and I immediately am like WHAT you can't be serious!? ARE YOU SURE GOD!? Of course He is SURE 😆 I am the one who isn't sure!
One of the times I can remember me really "kicking and screaming" was when we decided I would come home and stop working. I wasn't new to parenting and I had been in the workforce for 18 years already. We had recently had our second child, moved to Hawaii, and realized that our first child needed homeschooling and that daycare was like a second mortgage on that island. SO we prayed and prayed or should I say I prayed and prayed LOL My husband is such a chill guy. He also has amazing discernment and rarely worries about the future. Must be nice right 😂 He balances me perfectly! Needless to say, He was like yeah I think we should bring you home and I feel the Lord's peace in it. Period.
HAHAHA! Me on the inside..... Was like, "GOOOOOD (insert whiny voice)... But I like working, I have always worked, I will be so bored at home, What will I do, I can't homeschool, I am not equipped to do that, I have no idea where to start, I can't stay home, I will miss working, I will go crazy at home, Are you sure you want me at home God, Maybe I could just work with Daniel in the evenings, I could work more hours to pay for daycare, we could always get an in home sitter....." Meanwhile there are women who are desperate to be home with their kiddos and I am throwing away an opportunity God is giving me because I am feeling inadequate and fearful. And the truth was I just didn't want to!
God was asking me to OBEY, He had confirmed it through my husband, my spiritual leader, and still I wasn't sure if I should.
The good news is is that I did obey and I didn't wait months or years to do it. Which isn't always the case. I haven't been so obedient in other things. That decision to come home was 6 years ago. That is so crazy to me! I have been homeschooling ever since and we have 3 kiddos now. They are in 5th grade, 2nd grade, and kinder. And guess what? I still feel inadequate to homeschool! But He sustains me every single year through every grade and every curriculum and my kids can write, read, and speak. So yay for us 😂 I have the ability to take them to karate, gymnastics, ABA therapy, educational therapies, cognitive therapies, all the sports, functions, and everything in between. Being at home is not at all what I had thought it would be.
There are days it is incredible! Where I think wow I am so blessed to do this! Days I feel needed and accomplished, seen and loved! These are the days when I know without a doubt why God asked me to come home to my family and these are the days I am happy I obeyed. BUT It is not all rainbows and kittens. There are days I am exhausted and overwhelmed. There are days that I have to keep choosing to walk in obedience and keep choosing my kids. Being at home all the time used to be lonely when the kids were smaller. There were days I would dream of going back to work 😃 Now that they are growing up it is more fulfilling to talk to them and hold conversations and watch them grow and begin to understand the world. Being a stay at home homeschooling mom is hard and not hard all at the same time. But in the end it is walking in obedience that matters to me. I am not just at home all day. I am on a mission.
AND MY HOME IS MY MISSION FIELD. It is my chance to be the hands and feet of Jesus and if I would have said no to that I would have missed out on something amazing. The fact is that not everyone is in the position to have a parent at home and we are. God has allowed me to do that. I am grateful for it! Through the good, bad, fun, and terrible! I could have missed out on seeing my kids change up close and personal. We might have missed Daniel's autism or Natalya's dyslexia. We might be missing Addison's sensory sensitivities that we are just starting to see come to light right now! I might not notice so intimately the differences in my kids if I hadn't of obeyed when God asked me too.
God knew all the things my husband was going to endure in war and how much we were going to need each other and how much He was going to need me. I wouldn't have seen all those signs if I was gone all day at work. I know I wouldn't have. There are a lot of reasons I am grateful I am home during the day!
Obedience is not just about me. Most of the time it probably isn't about me at all. I like to think it is about me though. Obedience is another way I can worship God and surrender to my wants and desires to Him.
Following God's guidance and embracing the joy He brings me allows me to react to these outcomes of obedience with open eyes knowing that I am trusting His plan for me and the people in my life. Even if one day that obedience brings me to the point of death.
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